In my travels on the Way of True Beauty I have, of course, come across some wise and pithy statements about beauty, true eternal beauty. Here are some I’d like to share with you:
All contemporary crises can be reduced to a crisis about the nature of beauty.
~ John O’Donohue
…the perfection of Beauty is defined as being the perfection of Harmony…
~ Alfred North Whitehead
Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature may heal and give strength to body and soul.
~John Muir
Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart
~ Kahlil Gibran
The individual human’s aesthetic response would alter the very course of history and the shape of things we live among. ~ James Hillman
We feel most alive in the presence of the Beautiful for it meets the needs of our soul…. we come to glimpse behind the shutter of appearances the sure form of things…. Beauty brings a sense of completion and sureness. Without any of the usual calculation, we can slip into the Beautiful with the same ease as we slip into the seamless embrace of water; something ancient within us already trusts that this embrace will hold us. ~ John O’Donohue
Luminous matter is the most rare stuff in our universe. At only 4{d26b639eb74f8edb8884074db06109d949b84d3d1d14796b516693be64172811} it is precious. It is what we and our world are made up of. Everything is sacred. Every thing. Every one. ~ Lisa Lindahl
And finally, another person that believes as I do, that True Beauty is the raison d’être of our Universe:
For the world is not painted or adorned, but is from the beginning beautiful; and God has not made some beautiful things, but Beauty is the creator of the universe.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you have started to integrate the Way of True Beauty into your life, you might take one or some of these — whichever resonates strongly with you — write them out in your own handwriting and pin them up where you will see them each day. As I am known to say, “can’t hurt, might help!”
What could be more appropriate after discussing the authentic self, than the discussion of practicing self-acceptance? Marianne Williamson says:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.”
Hmmm.
And I very much agree with what Cormac McCarthy has to say. While speaking of courage, he hits on both awareness of one’s true self, and acceptance of that self (or lacks thereof):
“All courage is a form of constancy. It is always himself that a coward abandons first. After this all other betrayals come.”
It is a phenomenon of a wealthy society that we can even contemplate the notion of self-acceptance. That said:
Self-acceptance is a form of unconditional love. It is lovingly embracing the “needs improvement” and “unsatisfactory” along with the “excellent” and “satisfactory” on our internal report-card.
If we kid ourselves and choose to either believe that “it’s all good” as the saying goes, or conversely that it’s all crap, we are all crap — we are not being authentic with ourselves. We are living in delusion and fooling only ourselves. It is not a productive way to live.
Very few of us do not have our delusions, oh by the way.
On the extreme that tends towards the “it’s all crap” side, the gap between what we might refer to as the realm of the “coulda/shoulda/woulda’s,” the NISTs (refer to last week’s blog), and what one feels capable of, versus what we perceive as actually accomplished can feel great. The subsequent self-disappointment might make self-acceptance a prized achievement rather than a natural “given.” Through this aberrated lens, we rarely accept the self — it can always be somehow more, better, worthier.
At the other extreme, the “it’s all good” stance may birth arrogance and self delusion that can overtake an individual — sort of hiding behind the smiling mask; nothing can ever be wrong! The self is invincible, always right in some way or another. Self acceptance is a given. I like to think that most people really don’t dwell full-time in either of these extremes, but for the most part view their individual internal report card more objectively, aware of their full spectrum of “marks.”
By the way, this review/report card idea in the self-acceptance process is not about bringing up The Judge. We can be such harsh judges of ourselves, can we not? So how is this done truly lovingly and not with harsh judgment?
Be kind. Be kind to yourself. Be the loving parent to your growing self.
Self-acceptance is not about complacency. It is the sister-step in practicing Authenticity. As in all things there is a balance point to be struck; in this case between acceptance and improvement. And it is not a static point, it is often a balancing act — always moving. Acceptance doesn’t mean unchanging, rather to embrace lovingly what you cannot or choose not to change now. Change what you want to when you are able. The rest will have to wait. The balancing act continues.
photo interpretation: seizure coming on
An example: I accept that I have seizures. Epilepsy. This is a multi-faceted fact that presents obstacles and limitations in many different areas of my life. So I have had to respond in different ways. There are ways I can and have improved my personal universe. There are ways I have not, and in some instances believe I cannot. (There is no cure for epilepsy). There are other items that are still in the gray area: I just don’t know if I have the ability to change/improve them — or I am just not yet ready to confront them. I have not accepted many of the limitations traditionally placed upon people with epilepsy. Some of these are culturally instigated, others medically. My questioning of such “limitations” has caused concern for some people in my family. It has been trial and error, and I have made mistakes. Yet I learned for myself what my limits in this area were, and they too are not static but evolve as circumstances, medications, and seizure cycles change. I take my medication faithfully and deal with the side-effects (not always uncomplainingly). I try to balance personal safety with a certain quality of life. Just when I believe I have achieved a certain satisfactory balance, it can change again. At times this constant challenge feels lonely.
So, how does one acknowledge and respond to: this is my current reality, this is who I am now. How might I move forward? Do I even want to move forward? Is there room for improvement? Do I want to aspire to something more or different?
The responses to the above can form the harmony point between lovingly embracing the critical self-awareness, one’s acceptances and one’s work at self-improvement. It is a dynamic self-acceptance versus a denial as a false form of self-acceptance and blinkered self esteem that, too often, justifies unproductive behaviors and/or situations and relationships.
At one point while contemplating the practice of self-acceptance, something I knew was very important to moving with True Beauty in everyday life and living, I started asking around. How did others think about self-acceptance? Or did they? During this inquiry it was suggested to me that women and girls have a more acute issue with self-acceptance than do males. I’ve done no research to verify this, but I strongly suspect its true. The media in all its forms projects such strong and pervasive ideas and ideals about the feminine. Well, mostly about feminine physical appearance. Much has been written and observed about this over the past few decades; but it has hardly changed. You have only to walk through a high school to know that.
It is hard not to compare and contrast our own appearance with the images out there. We elevate the likes of actresses and reality “stars.” The rest of us women do not have hair & makeup minions fluttering about for two hours before our first appearance into the day. We are not able to airbrush ourselves before leaving the house. Is it any wonder our young women get confused about where their worth originates — in the constancy of character, grace and ability or simply a particular physical appearance?
And then, as one rather stiff-upper-lip sort of person put it, “Well you just do accept yourself, don’t you? What choice do we have?”
Shine on!
To practice acceptance of oneself:
1) Listen to your body and your intuition and notice where you are resisting.
2) Be fully present with the choices that are available. Choose mindfully, with authenticity and compassion.
3) Think of “failure” as another word for “rehearsal.” Trial and error is the way of artists and scientists.
4) Remember: everyone is doing their best from their point of view and level of awareness — including you.
5) Where necessary, forgive. Especially yourself.
So, what role does self-acceptance have in reclaiming True Beauty into our sensibilities and our culture? Again: as within, so without. The more accepting and loving we are of ourselves, the more accepting and compassionate we are liable to be of others.
One of the seldom mentioned keys to the spiritual life is acceptance. Not acceptance of others but of ourselves. So often we focus on what we want to change…lessen our character defects…. What if we are acceptable even in the times we have difficulty accepting ourselves? …The poet Theodore Roethke …tells us: ‘in a dark time, the eye begins to see.’ ” ~ Julia Cameron
Authentic. Authenticity. What the heck does that mean, really. And what does it have to do with True Beauty?
Each person is the barometer of his/her own authenticity; it would be an oxymoron to say there is a set way to be authentic, to practice authenticity. However, since it is my authentic (s)elf to virtually always have something to say about almost everything, here’s what I have to say about being authentic:
In our current culture one of the foremost antitheses of personal authenticity is the still deeply embedded “Now-I’m-Supposed-Tos.” (Now I’m Supposed To go to college, get a job, get married, be successful, have children, etc. to name a few of the more universal NISTs of American culture.) Ridding oneself of these “NISTs” is easier said than done, especially since there is often some merit supporting the NISTs. Logic, honoring a parent or significant other’s wishes, or keeping one’s word are a few that come right to mind. Remember, we are only speaking of such things when they are not able to be engaged with personal authenticity.
At every stage of life there seem to evolve new NISTs. As we age it might be Now I’m Supposed to settle down, act like my parents or act exactly the opposite of my parents, have achieved what I set out to do, etc., etc. NISTs can actually be wonderful when they align with our inner desires and abilities. But when they don’t, it can be hell on earth. The suppressed authentic self expresses itself through many un-beautiful ways: depression, violence, apathy, deceit — generally destructive activities for oneself and others. (Please know I am not psychologist or such, just an observer of people and life).
Happily, it seems the NISTs are relaxing. I see younger generations far less in the thrall of these cultural expectations, but I do not know if it is a blip or a trend. And they are not entirely gone. Questions about marriage, parenting, jobs vs. careers vs. something called lifestyle and the meaning of life are still persisting. In the absence of the NISTs, or their weakened position, what guidelines, positive or even otherwise are available?
And then, just to complicate the issue, there is the problem of taking one’s quest for authenticity too far. (What! How can that be? I can just hear Lou now.) To be authentic does not mean always putting oneself first. Under the guise of being “true to oneself” narcissism can bloom. Taking care of oneself (“lookin’ out for #1”) can be a cover for selfishness, lack of compassion. It is also often manipulative, immature and insecure. The difference, I think, between being authentic and being narcissistic is in attitude, action and intention. It means being aware of your actions, reactions, emotions and intentions, and yes, in the context of those of others’. Facing them, if you will, in the private moments between you and you. We live in relationship all the time: to ourselves, our environment, others. To balance this is to practice True Beauty. To be fooling yourself about who and how you are is to have a foundation of sand in all other departments. “Lying to yourself is automatically lying to everyone else” I’ve been known to say. And we do not always like to admit some of those little “white” lies we tell ourselves, do we?
Be aware of True Beauty; practice it…find and be your authentic self. No small task.
Mother, impersonating 1960’s comedienne Phyllis Diller. She loved a good costume.
To practice and hone one’s own authenticity:
1) Identify behaviors, habits that are not authentic to/for you. You probably already have a good idea about a few of them. You feel it. But if you want to go a little further, listen to that inner voice and feel that gut and heart. If it doesn’t “feel” right for you, it probably isn’t. If your reasoning/analytical mind seems to be finding justifications for a certain behavior or decision, fighting with your gut, this is a red flag. Pay attention!
2) Replace inauthentic behaviors with ones that reflect your true self and values. This will, of course, be done over time. Be patient and kind with yourself.
3) With a clearer sense of your authentic self in mind, envision how the next chapter of your life might look. Take any steps possible that are in alignment with that vision.
4) Look at the material world you’ve helped create around yourself. Does it align with your core values? If you are fortunate enough to have abundance, can you find the right balance for you between that abundance and scarcity elsewhere? Can you identify your areas of abundance?
5) Practice all of the above with compassion for those around you. Beauty is harmony, smooth transitions when possible. Let those you care for know what you are endeavoring to do. Your aspiration to live a more authentic life may well inspire them to do the same. Everything is in relationship!
Simply put, practicing Authenticity is working at “To thine own self be true.” Because here is the thing: if you don’t tell yourself your truth, you’re automatically lying to everyone else, too.
⇒And here is a bit of wisdom: the energy put into maintaining a false self is far, far greater than the energy it takes to displace it and start honoring and maintaining one’s authentic self.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
~Steven Jobs, 2005 Stanford University Commencement Address
This is one of my favorite Beauty practices. In part because it has a certain shock factor for some people first hearing of it and I can be mischievous. But mostly because it is a constant practice for me. It is a constant challenge to my daily operating assumptions. (My “doa”s?? Hmmm).
I don’t really believe in “truth” as I understand adherents of Science and the Age of Reason to use/define it. I find truth to be relative, subjective. This shocks my fundamentalist friends — whether they be vegan, Christian, Scientologist, or Democrat… .
A man of science who I heard speak once revealed that he and other scientists and researchers held a particularly skeptical attitude towards scientific theory: “SAFN,” an acronym for Somewhat Adequate For Now. To wit: inquiry into a realm of the largely unknown (say, quantum physics or deep space) would go on until an apparent pattern or story began to form from clues and evidence that was gathered over a period of time. Said story was then extrapolated into a probable scenario and, with a certain amount of agreement among the parties involved, deemed a bona fide “theory.” The definition for theory is “speculation, assumption, conjecture.” Left unchallenged by new or different speculation, assumption, etc., said theory starts to be assumed “truth” by the general public, and SAFN by the scientific communty. Often it is the very longevity of a theory that seems to be their proof. Think Big Bang Theory or the Theory of Relativity. Once it was the theory that the sun revolved around the earth…or that the earth (clearly!) is flat. You get the idea.
So what is true?
The concept of truth is, actually, very useful. It helps create our shared reality, core ethics and intent. However, the universe is expanding as it must, including all the dogmas, doctrines, “truths” that have gone before, are currently in vogue today, and those truths that are awaiting our discovery of them.
Currently we live in the Age of Reason, Logic and Science. I hold that in some ways it is the Dark Age of Reason and Science in that it disallows so many other ways of knowing. Specifically “gnowing.” Gnowing? Many indigenous cultures take for granted inner knowingness — gnowing is that way of discerning a current truth or sensing True Beauty through these many other conduits of garnering information. We often associate these “other conduits” to body parts: heart, gut, third eye. Some just toss it off as intuition.
To Practice “truth wariness:”
1) Be flexible in your perspective on truth. Challenge your own assumptions about the nature of a person, place, or thing.
2) Become aware of historical shifts in “The Truth”. Educate yourself about different belief systems. Reject anything touting itself as an “absolute truth” (including this statement).
3) Listen deeply to yourself; express your own truth with compassion for that of others. Communicate it with the intent to create an evolutionary response, not only from those without — but within yourself as well. Strive to not cultivate “fixed” ideas.
4) Deeply listen to others. What is true for them? Can you see it? Is it as they say? Can you live their truth for a bit without having to adopt it?
5) Examine your need to be “right.” Is it serving you or not? Do you want to be right, or do you want to be effective?
6) Make choices that move you in your correct direction. Indian philosopher J. Krishnamurti says this about the nature of truth: “Truth is not a fixed point; it is not static; it cannot be measured by words; it is not a concept, a idea to be achieved.” (Keeerect in my book!)
“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.” ~Buddha
The concepts of Truth and Beauty are often paired. It is assumed that one informs, or proves, the other. I contend that “truth” is a moving target — as is the popular notion of beauty (i.e. “glamour” — think fashion, aesthetic trends, etc.). But True Beauty is eternal, unwavering. It is as harmony: manifesting in many different instruments, relationships, and vibrations, but always … always harmonic.
This first and basic Practice of True Beauty might best be titled “Practice Perceiving“, but I got into a, er, discussion with one of my professors about the differences between “sensing” and “perceiving”, and in the end I just left this Beauty Practice titled “Seeing”. Seeing is really a metaphor for all sensings, both of the physical and intuitive sort. Opening up to our visual capabilities is a great place to start, but our eyesight is only one way into the universe of perception. Indeed, perception is not dependent only upon our physical senses, but our intuitive senses as well.
Too often we are on “auto pilot,” not truly aware of our surroundings. We are not truly seeing/sensing and being in relationship with our environment and the stimuli that is coming in (let alone what we are putting out, another chapter). Auto-pilot, the short-cut method has its advantages of course. It is efficient, necessary at times when speed and efficiency are the qualities and outcomes that are desired. But if not? Or shouldn’t be?
Too often we are just on that insidious auto-pilot: “Green. I know this.” And we inspect/explore/perceive no further than what we have on mental-file from previous perceptions.
So, look out your window. How many colors of green are there really, how many are truly available for you to really see?
To practice Seeing:
1) Challenge your own assumptions. What aren’t you noticing? Make a conscious attempt to get off your automatic pilot.
2) Play the “What color is…” game with yourself and/or family. What color is the grass in a field? What color are the windows in a building? Trust me, there is pink grass!
3) Notice what you don’t notice. Can you recall the building on your corner that you pass every afternoon? How many stories is it? What is the color of the inside of the shoes you have on?
Fun, huh?
There are further layers in and implications for the Beauty Practice of Seeing, but this is enough to get one started. Try it!
It is one of the commonest of mistakes to consider that the limit of our power of perception is also the limit of all there is to perceive. ~ Charles W. Leadbeater
